"I learned a lot this year. I learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I've learned that some broken things stay broken, and I've learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you."
this is kinda how i feel lately...it's hard to make sense of some things and other things it's like wow i really get that. so as i sit and reflect on things that have happened and things that people have said i get sad then mad because i was sad and i LET them make me sad. how did i ever let anyone make me feel like that? i thought i had it figured out but i think i was blinded by the whole thing. you live and learn and i've learned alot now. just have to take it with a grain of salt and move on. it's life....
so now i will be on my way and do a few searches and get some ideas on sewing and a few other projects i have in mind. ;-)
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Emotional week
This week as defiantly had it's ups and downs. Not to sure if it broke even or if one is lagging behind the other. I am just so glad it's over with. I took Chris Monday to enroll is school. I am so thankful he has the same teacher as he had last year. I really enjoyed having Mr. Henson as his teacher. This will be his last year as a wee lil elementary kid...seems like they grow up so fast. But I will sit back and just watch and listen to him and man oh man is he going to have to do alot of growing up and maturing this next year to be ready for middle school. I seriously think 6Th grade is to soon to be throwing them into that realm of the world. Then Tuesday I took John Michael to pick up his schedule for 8Th grade. When you go and take them they take school pictures and do the pic for there I.D. can't get in the door without it. Oh that and going through a metal detector. Jeez what has this world gone to when middle school students have to be searched at school. He seems really happy about his schedule and where his locker is. Already made the appt for his 504with the school nurses, counselor and principal. Really wish we could have all the teachers in the meeting but that's not possible.I really want to have a tattoo on his forehead that says 'Don't feed me'. What I find somewhat bothersome is they don't ask the child to come to the meeting. It's about him and his allergies; food and otherwise. But yet he isn't included in it. He is 14 1/2 already and he should be included. I do get some piece with him taking his lunch to school and I furnish ad microwave so he can heat up his lunch. At least I know he isn't going to eat something that he's not supposed to. This school year I will have 2 promotions (they don't call them graduations around here). One will be going to high school and one to middle school. They grow up entirely way to fast...makes me sad in a way but I am so proud of them! They are turning out to be very handsome young men. Shh don't tell them I said that because I always get the awww mom your embarrassing me lol. John Michael is in a growing spurt and the child is taller then me!!!!!! He is going to be tall like his daddy but have my built. Going to be a big kid and Chris will he needs to grow taller. Think he is going to be on the shorter side like me. And he's chubblicious also. Love them both so very much!
Wednesday morning/early afternoon we went to welcome home ceremony for Dave's unit. It was emotional but it was also so exciting. I was almost dreading going. This is the 2ND one I have went to. The first one I don't remember having alot of emotions because it was a lil over a week have I had my hysto and I was on pain pills but I didn't want to miss it either. I felt kinda bad when they dismissed the soldiers and everyone went scrambling because I reached people before there families and spouses did. I hugged and kissed them all. No I'm not real bashful when it comes to doing that. They are my friends and so they all know it's nothing sexual or anything. We always do that when we go to each other's houses or see them. They are all a part of my extended family. I saw one of my guy friends and his wife...she has my effing guts. If looks could have killed me I'd be dead 1000000000 times over. Well what was I supposed to do when they are standing there talking to Dave? Yes I went up and gave him a hug (no no kiss because I know her feelings towards me and I really didn't want to start anything on such a happy day for everyone). She stood there like a child hanging there head after they got caught doing something and got in trouble. I was sweet and nice and spoke to her. She gave a one word answer (FINE!!!) without looking up. OK so be it...didn't make me look like an ass made her look like one. This is the same woman that went to Dave's work and started bawling and blaming me for everything under the sun and didn't want me talking to her husband anymore and especially since he was in Iraq. Her neighbor lied to her and told her we were doing the nasty and hugging and kissing on the front lawn. Um mm yeah right...Needless to say we have had words since then and both Dave and I have backed off of being friends with them. We were all really good friends- would go out to dinner, do the bday, Christmas and anniversary presents, hang out with each other. If either one of them needed anything at all we would call the other one. Not so much anymore...Things haven't been right since I house sat for them and she said I stole change from there house while they were gone. Then later remembered where she put it but didn't so much as give me an apology. She will do anything to make me go away- she told me this in the past. I could go on and on about all of this but I"m not going to- it's just feeding into her jealous tantrums. Jealousy is uncalled for- this women has been jealous of when there daughter spends time with her dad. Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. I just don't play that game and I feel that it's petty. I have lost one of my best friends and it really saddens me...feel that there is a hole there. I know it will take time for it to heal but right now it hurts pretty bad. Makes me teary eyed...Dave understands how I am feeling because they were friends also. Time heals all things and I guess right now I just need some time...
I need to find some hobby's to keep me entertained while the kiddos are in school. Was offered a job but I'm not going to take it. Would be from 5 a.m.-1 p.m. OK I wouldn't mind working but only when they are in school and I would need to be able to be off for school trips and if they are sick. I only have one life and one chance to be with my kids and I don't want to miss that. Plus it's at a convenience store and I am almost 38 yrs old and I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing that.
Since this is longer then I had first anticipated it would be I will close for now.
"Jealousy is all the fun you think they had." ~ Erican Jong
Wednesday morning/early afternoon we went to welcome home ceremony for Dave's unit. It was emotional but it was also so exciting. I was almost dreading going. This is the 2ND one I have went to. The first one I don't remember having alot of emotions because it was a lil over a week have I had my hysto and I was on pain pills but I didn't want to miss it either. I felt kinda bad when they dismissed the soldiers and everyone went scrambling because I reached people before there families and spouses did. I hugged and kissed them all. No I'm not real bashful when it comes to doing that. They are my friends and so they all know it's nothing sexual or anything. We always do that when we go to each other's houses or see them. They are all a part of my extended family. I saw one of my guy friends and his wife...she has my effing guts. If looks could have killed me I'd be dead 1000000000 times over. Well what was I supposed to do when they are standing there talking to Dave? Yes I went up and gave him a hug (no no kiss because I know her feelings towards me and I really didn't want to start anything on such a happy day for everyone). She stood there like a child hanging there head after they got caught doing something and got in trouble. I was sweet and nice and spoke to her. She gave a one word answer (FINE!!!) without looking up. OK so be it...didn't make me look like an ass made her look like one. This is the same woman that went to Dave's work and started bawling and blaming me for everything under the sun and didn't want me talking to her husband anymore and especially since he was in Iraq. Her neighbor lied to her and told her we were doing the nasty and hugging and kissing on the front lawn. Um mm yeah right...Needless to say we have had words since then and both Dave and I have backed off of being friends with them. We were all really good friends- would go out to dinner, do the bday, Christmas and anniversary presents, hang out with each other. If either one of them needed anything at all we would call the other one. Not so much anymore...Things haven't been right since I house sat for them and she said I stole change from there house while they were gone. Then later remembered where she put it but didn't so much as give me an apology. She will do anything to make me go away- she told me this in the past. I could go on and on about all of this but I"m not going to- it's just feeding into her jealous tantrums. Jealousy is uncalled for- this women has been jealous of when there daughter spends time with her dad. Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. I just don't play that game and I feel that it's petty. I have lost one of my best friends and it really saddens me...feel that there is a hole there. I know it will take time for it to heal but right now it hurts pretty bad. Makes me teary eyed...Dave understands how I am feeling because they were friends also. Time heals all things and I guess right now I just need some time...
I need to find some hobby's to keep me entertained while the kiddos are in school. Was offered a job but I'm not going to take it. Would be from 5 a.m.-1 p.m. OK I wouldn't mind working but only when they are in school and I would need to be able to be off for school trips and if they are sick. I only have one life and one chance to be with my kids and I don't want to miss that. Plus it's at a convenience store and I am almost 38 yrs old and I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing that.
Since this is longer then I had first anticipated it would be I will close for now.
"Jealousy is all the fun you think they had." ~ Erican Jong
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Letting Go
Letting go doesn't mean we don't care. Letting go doesn't mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible--controlling that which we cannot--and instead, focus on what is possible--which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.
~Melody Beattie
~Melody Beattie
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