Rehab

Well today was the day I took my sister to rehab. Enough said...

P.S. Tomorrow is today's yesterday :-)

Peaceful

Well I feel at the moment I am kinda peaceful...not sure why but I am. I am sitting here listening to the dishwasher and my nails click on the keys- need to go get them done tomorrow and I'll probably get my toes painted to. Then I am on a mission to find some pants. I hate clothes shopping. I just don't like it at all. But I am to the point to where it doesn't matter what size I wear just as long as I have something to wear and it fits, doesn't make me wee ass look big and it will all be A-OK heeheee. The kiddos are out the 14-19Th for fall break. I volunteered to take my niece for 4 of those days. Yeah I must be going crazy. Was trying to be nice and give mom a break from her. Sis go out of detox last Friday and she isn't supposed to report to rehab till the 20Th. She will be going to a facility here in Lawton. I'm having mixed feelings about her going but I think it's the best thing for her. I just want her better. So she will be here the 19Th when mom picks up my niece and drops her off. I am taking her to rehab...not to sure what else to say on that subject.
This past week-end the kiddos wanted to go to there Nana's - Dave's mom. So we let them go. Went out and had a nice dinner at Outback and picked them up Sunday morning. I have been so relaxed and easy going. Was told today at lunch that I am not the same as I was then. Starting to stress out and get all up tight. So I am trying my best to chill out at the moment. I took John Michael to get some jeans after school. All his are way to small. I had a good laugh over that Sunday afternoon. He looked so funny!!!!! He is going to be a BIG kid. Taller then me and wears jeans bigger then his daddy. I think he will have my built and Dave's height. Too bad he can't run worth a flying fig and has asthma because he'd be a good football player. He loves to watch it and has tried to explain the game to me and rolls his eyes when I don't get it lol. Chris got all his old jeans and he just wasn't overly happy about that either. I love my boys, love my wee little baby girls too. They look sooooooooo precious today after the groomers. Sugar Pie and I got to play and bond while the other girls were away. I feed her extra treats and love on her. She is getting cranky in her age. But I still love her just the same....

Emotions

I am having a hard time trying to put my emotions in order. They don't make any sense to me what so over so for now I think I am just going to put them on the back burner. I figure why dwell on something that I can't fix, change or understand. It's not going to do anything to me except make me upset and my blood pressure go up. LOL not that it needs to be any higher then what it is now.
Fall is upon us and I am getting into this comfort food mood. I am wanting to bake, clean, and enjoy the cool fresh air. People says it's cold today but I find it refreshing. The windows are open ahhhhhhhh 'fresh air'. We had roast, taters, salad and rolls for dinner yummmmmers. Tomorrow is Dave's bday so it will be Tbones on the grill. Not sure what else at this moment. With the humidity and rain I am going to wait and make him a coconut cream pie later in the week. I don't like baking meringue with the weather like this. Today we were talking about divinity and other goodies that don't do very well with the humidity. Got me to thinking about caramel popcorn...I'm going to start looking for some recipes that I know John Michael can have. Friday I made him some of the Betty Crocker Gluten Free Chocolate Chip cookies. I was so happy they looked just like the 'original' one's and didn't taste to terribly bad either. He was so happy Woooohooooo 1 for mom!! It's deffinately a challenge at times to feed him but when it does work out it's just awesome!;-)

Chicken Cordon Bleu Panini

I made the best dinner tonight which everyone liked and approves of. Woohoooo 1 for me!! heehehee
So simple so easy and so very yummy indeed.

Chicken Cordon Bleu Panini

INGREDIENTS:

4 Boneless skinless thin sliced chicken breast-
grilled with lemon pepper

1/4 cup prepared yellow mustard
1/4 cup honey
2 tablespoons light corn syrup
2 tablespoons mayonnaise

1 loaf French bread, cut cross-wise into 4 ~5″ pieces
4 slices smoked, fully-cooked ham
4 slices Swiss cheese

In a small bowl, whisk together mustard, honey, corn syrup and mayonnaise. Set aside (or refrigerate if not using immediately).

Preheat the panini grill to medium-high heat (375°).

For each sandwich: Half the bread lengthwise. Spread honey mustard sauce inside both halves. On the bottom half, layer a chicken breast, a slice of ham and a slice of cheese. Close the sandwich.

Grill panini for 3-4 minutes until the cheese is melted. Serve immediately and enjoy!

Honest Scrap Award

Olivia at http://oliviaaventures.blogspot.com/ has awarded with me The Honest Scrap Award! Woohooo I get an award and didn't really do anything special ;-)

Here are the rules.. in fine print mind you..

1.) Say thanks and give a link to the presenter of the award.

2.) Share "10 Honest Things" about myself.

3.) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged me.

4.) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving.

Now for the good part..

"10 honest things about me"

1.) I hate it when people push there opinions and beliefs on me.

2.) I like to think i am 'special'...for no special reason just because...

3.) I am very anal about some things and I think they have to be just so so or I end up in a tizzy and get very frazzeled. Then I end up fixing it myself.

4.) I collect butterfly's and think they are magical. So content..fly around as they please and so very beautiful!

5.) I am socially embaressed to go out in public when I have to dress up. I adore dressing up and being pretty but I don't like the way I look and will have a complete melt down when I have to go look for a dress to wear. With the health probs I am currently having I am looking into having lap-band surgery to help me loose weight so this will go into remission. I would like to be drug free.

6.) I love love love to go grocery shopping and use coupons. It's a game to me to see how much money I can save.

7.) I have a twin sister who I love dearly. Right now she is in rehab for alcoholism and was just diagnosed with being bi-polar. I don't like the stigma that goes along with that. I want her to get well and move forward with her life. I struggle with this but I also know she has to fight her own fight and face her demons on her own.

8.) I get my feelings hurt very easily at times. tend to over think it to death, and try to figure out what went wrong, why they did or said that to me. Then I try to go back and fix it. Sometimes just makes things worse. I can't stand for someone not to like me and will go way out of my way to try and make them like me.

9.) I can't make gravy...taste like paste. Give me something hard to make and I can do it, something easy and I mess it up lol. I've noticed when I don't try as hard to make something it turns out wonderful.

10.) I have a dear sweet friend in North Carolina who I believe in past lives we were sisters. So we are sisters indeed.

Now to pass the award on, in no particular order...

http://oliviaadventures.blogspot.com/

Thank you Ms Olivia for the dear sweet words of encouragement you offer me! Your friendship and a heart of gold. Love you sissy!

xoxo

Learning...

"I learned a lot this year. I learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I've learned that some broken things stay broken, and I've learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you."

this is kinda how i feel lately...it's hard to make sense of some things and other things it's like wow i really get that. so as i sit and reflect on things that have happened and things that people have said i get sad then mad because i was sad and i LET them make me sad. how did i ever let anyone make me feel like that? i thought i had it figured out but i think i was blinded by the whole thing. you live and learn and i've learned alot now. just have to take it with a grain of salt and move on. it's life....

so now i will be on my way and do a few searches and get some ideas on sewing and a few other projects i have in mind. ;-)

Emotional week

This week as defiantly had it's ups and downs. Not to sure if it broke even or if one is lagging behind the other. I am just so glad it's over with. I took Chris Monday to enroll is school. I am so thankful he has the same teacher as he had last year. I really enjoyed having Mr. Henson as his teacher. This will be his last year as a wee lil elementary kid...seems like they grow up so fast. But I will sit back and just watch and listen to him and man oh man is he going to have to do alot of growing up and maturing this next year to be ready for middle school. I seriously think 6Th grade is to soon to be throwing them into that realm of the world. Then Tuesday I took John Michael to pick up his schedule for 8Th grade. When you go and take them they take school pictures and do the pic for there I.D. can't get in the door without it. Oh that and going through a metal detector. Jeez what has this world gone to when middle school students have to be searched at school. He seems really happy about his schedule and where his locker is. Already made the appt for his 504with the school nurses, counselor and principal. Really wish we could have all the teachers in the meeting but that's not possible.I really want to have a tattoo on his forehead that says 'Don't feed me'. What I find somewhat bothersome is they don't ask the child to come to the meeting. It's about him and his allergies; food and otherwise. But yet he isn't included in it. He is 14 1/2 already and he should be included. I do get some piece with him taking his lunch to school and I furnish ad microwave so he can heat up his lunch. At least I know he isn't going to eat something that he's not supposed to. This school year I will have 2 promotions (they don't call them graduations around here). One will be going to high school and one to middle school. They grow up entirely way to fast...makes me sad in a way but I am so proud of them! They are turning out to be very handsome young men. Shh don't tell them I said that because I always get the awww mom your embarrassing me lol. John Michael is in a growing spurt and the child is taller then me!!!!!! He is going to be tall like his daddy but have my built. Going to be a big kid and Chris will he needs to grow taller. Think he is going to be on the shorter side like me. And he's chubblicious also. Love them both so very much!
Wednesday morning/early afternoon we went to welcome home ceremony for Dave's unit. It was emotional but it was also so exciting. I was almost dreading going. This is the 2ND one I have went to. The first one I don't remember having alot of emotions because it was a lil over a week have I had my hysto and I was on pain pills but I didn't want to miss it either. I felt kinda bad when they dismissed the soldiers and everyone went scrambling because I reached people before there families and spouses did. I hugged and kissed them all. No I'm not real bashful when it comes to doing that. They are my friends and so they all know it's nothing sexual or anything. We always do that when we go to each other's houses or see them. They are all a part of my extended family. I saw one of my guy friends and his wife...she has my effing guts. If looks could have killed me I'd be dead 1000000000 times over. Well what was I supposed to do when they are standing there talking to Dave? Yes I went up and gave him a hug (no no kiss because I know her feelings towards me and I really didn't want to start anything on such a happy day for everyone). She stood there like a child hanging there head after they got caught doing something and got in trouble. I was sweet and nice and spoke to her. She gave a one word answer (FINE!!!) without looking up. OK so be it...didn't make me look like an ass made her look like one. This is the same woman that went to Dave's work and started bawling and blaming me for everything under the sun and didn't want me talking to her husband anymore and especially since he was in Iraq. Her neighbor lied to her and told her we were doing the nasty and hugging and kissing on the front lawn. Um mm yeah right...Needless to say we have had words since then and both Dave and I have backed off of being friends with them. We were all really good friends- would go out to dinner, do the bday, Christmas and anniversary presents, hang out with each other. If either one of them needed anything at all we would call the other one. Not so much anymore...Things haven't been right since I house sat for them and she said I stole change from there house while they were gone. Then later remembered where she put it but didn't so much as give me an apology. She will do anything to make me go away- she told me this in the past. I could go on and on about all of this but I"m not going to- it's just feeding into her jealous tantrums. Jealousy is uncalled for- this women has been jealous of when there daughter spends time with her dad. Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. I just don't play that game and I feel that it's petty. I have lost one of my best friends and it really saddens me...feel that there is a hole there. I know it will take time for it to heal but right now it hurts pretty bad. Makes me teary eyed...Dave understands how I am feeling because they were friends also. Time heals all things and I guess right now I just need some time...
I need to find some hobby's to keep me entertained while the kiddos are in school. Was offered a job but I'm not going to take it. Would be from 5 a.m.-1 p.m. OK I wouldn't mind working but only when they are in school and I would need to be able to be off for school trips and if they are sick. I only have one life and one chance to be with my kids and I don't want to miss that. Plus it's at a convenience store and I am almost 38 yrs old and I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing that.
Since this is longer then I had first anticipated it would be I will close for now.
"Jealousy is all the fun you think they had." ~ Erican Jong

Letting Go

Letting go doesn't mean we don't care. Letting go doesn't mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible--controlling that which we cannot--and instead, focus on what is possible--which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.
~Melody Beattie