weight loss

ok so why didn't someone tell me that this was going to be harder then i thought? prob because i wouldn't have listened to them anyway and if i did i would have thought to myself well thats them and it's not me. i knew it wasn't going to be a simple thing and not exactly a skip in the park but somedays i am on top of the world and other days i feel like i am just making the motions just to get the day over with. why is that? i seems for the past 3 wks i have been struggling and i think that world is so under rated for me right now!!! since the death of my sister it's just been horrible. i'm not cheating and i am doublely damn sure i'm not cheating, with life's dramas the walking didn't fit into the schedule and so tues i did pick that back up and start it again. i didn't go this morning because basically without making any excuses i slept in. i was exhausted and didn't wake up in time to go walk before hubby went to work. and i am SORE!!! so from last week to this week i have gained .4 lbs. ok the normally person wouldn't exactly be upset with that but at the moment i feel like a failure. i'm eating my protien, drinking my water, sticking to the 1000 calories a day and not over eatting. i just feel that i am not going to end of the deal with the band. it's a tool and maybe i'm not utelizing it to it's full potiental. i have picked up on the fact that i have been getting headaches and being dizzy at times. so i checked my blood pressure because i am on meds for it being high. well it's been around 111-113/71-76. so yes thats normal but on the low side of normal. i do go to my surgeon monday afternoon for an adjustment. i am just terrified that he is going to chew my ass out because i haven't lost but 8 lbs since i saw him last time. so yes my nerves are getting the best of me because when this happens i get this rash. so yes i have this lovely rash on my left calves, my right thigh and my right arm. and i keep asking myself what else is going to happen lol. i know god won't give me anymore then i can handle but how much more can i handle? thats the question and no one has that answer for me...i know it will all be ok in the end and tomorrow is a new day. a day i am looking forward to.
~gypsy

Been a while...

Wow it's been a while since I've posted. Guess I need to change that...a Allot has happened this year already, some good, some bad. It can't all be good now can it?? Besides all the family probs, my father in law passing in late February I finally decided it was enough about everyone else. IT was time for ME. Might sound awfully selfish to some but to me it made perfect sense. Since when have I put myself first..it was the right time. The end of May I had bariatric Lap-Band surgery. I swear to the heavens above it was the best thing I have ever done for myself!! I feel like a new person!!! I'm not going to lie and say it's been easy, oh hell no it hasn't...I am beginning to wonder if I had an addiction to food. I will have the strange emotions come over me when something bad happens and the first thing I do is to start looking for something to eat. Well with the band that's just not possible!! Not unless you'd like to throw up and that is something I don't ever want to experience again!! Talk about hurt and feeling like your guts are being ripped out of your body! So I chew allot of gum now :-). Hey if it helps and keeps me from putting food in my mouth then so be it. Yeppers I've been the person that has chewed a french fry and stand there thinking that it's not worth it and I end up spitting it out lol. I know it's weird but I feel that if I swallow something that isn't on my list of foods to eat then it's going to cause me major tummy probs and that's something I'd like to avoid. Today I ended up baking cookies for hubby since he is going to AT. Man oh man that was hard not to pick one up and eat it!! WILLPOWER!!!! But I made it and now they are in zip-locks and out of sight. I am down 19 inches and 26 lbs so far in about 7 wks. My doctor is happy with me and I am starting to see the new me emerge. I look at it like a caterpillar emerging out of it's cocoon into a beautiful butterfly...I guess I just want to feel better about myself, be able to look in the mirror and not see the fat girl staring back at me and me wondering who in the hell that is. My eyes looking back at me with that emptiness..I want the sparkle back. It's coming back!! Slowly but surely, I'll get there. It's been one of the most scariest but most humbling experience I have ever went through in my entire life. Here I am wanting help, needing help and found a doctor who I can put my total trust into. Someone who doesn't judge me for being bigger then most people. someone who is there and totally willing to help me find the old person oh scratch that not the old person the new and improved gypsy. It takes a lot of soul searching and you learn allot about yourself. I have friends now that won't hardly have anything to do with me because I had the surgery and am doing something good for myself. I'm sorry but if they can't support me and stand by my side and put there opinions aside then I don't need them in my life anymore. People come into your life for a reason and they leave for a reason...maybe there time is up and they served there purpose. I can't say it's not hurtful because it is. It hurts deep down inside but I have also realized that this isn't about them it's about ME!! I want to be a good mom and not have to stop and catch my breath and be totally exhausted when I am out doing stuff with them. I want to live old enough to see my kids get married, have babies and there babies have babies. And I want to be healthy and see all of this!! I want to be the wife that doesn't bitch because my joints hurt and cry because nothing fits me anymore. lol well it doesn't fit now because they are getting to big. I want to stand tall, stand proud and show off my curves and be comfortable in my own body. Now all of this isn't to much to ask is it? Some people might think so but I don't.
"You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be" ~ David Viscott
xoxo
Love,
Gypsy

The New Year is upon us

Well a new year is upon us. I hope everyone enjoyed there holidays. It was quite around here. Well for the most part anyways lol. I am looking forward to this year. New beginnings, carrying over from the years past and hopefully the drama has left the building. I don't feel that resolutions have to be made if you don't wish. Me personally I'm not going to make any. I never seem to follow through with it. So if I am a little bit better and wiser then last year then so be it. If I am happy and it shows then so be it. I am here to make myself happy and if people don't really care for it then that seems to be a problem for them and not mine. Why should I change for them? If I am going to change it's going to be for myself and me only. I wish for new adventures, happy thoughts, smiles and wonderful times!! So instead of Happy New Year I wish for everyone Happy Adventures to come!! :-)
~Gypsy~