Been a while...

Wow it's been a while since I've posted. Guess I need to change that...a Allot has happened this year already, some good, some bad. It can't all be good now can it?? Besides all the family probs, my father in law passing in late February I finally decided it was enough about everyone else. IT was time for ME. Might sound awfully selfish to some but to me it made perfect sense. Since when have I put myself first..it was the right time. The end of May I had bariatric Lap-Band surgery. I swear to the heavens above it was the best thing I have ever done for myself!! I feel like a new person!!! I'm not going to lie and say it's been easy, oh hell no it hasn't...I am beginning to wonder if I had an addiction to food. I will have the strange emotions come over me when something bad happens and the first thing I do is to start looking for something to eat. Well with the band that's just not possible!! Not unless you'd like to throw up and that is something I don't ever want to experience again!! Talk about hurt and feeling like your guts are being ripped out of your body! So I chew allot of gum now :-). Hey if it helps and keeps me from putting food in my mouth then so be it. Yeppers I've been the person that has chewed a french fry and stand there thinking that it's not worth it and I end up spitting it out lol. I know it's weird but I feel that if I swallow something that isn't on my list of foods to eat then it's going to cause me major tummy probs and that's something I'd like to avoid. Today I ended up baking cookies for hubby since he is going to AT. Man oh man that was hard not to pick one up and eat it!! WILLPOWER!!!! But I made it and now they are in zip-locks and out of sight. I am down 19 inches and 26 lbs so far in about 7 wks. My doctor is happy with me and I am starting to see the new me emerge. I look at it like a caterpillar emerging out of it's cocoon into a beautiful butterfly...I guess I just want to feel better about myself, be able to look in the mirror and not see the fat girl staring back at me and me wondering who in the hell that is. My eyes looking back at me with that emptiness..I want the sparkle back. It's coming back!! Slowly but surely, I'll get there. It's been one of the most scariest but most humbling experience I have ever went through in my entire life. Here I am wanting help, needing help and found a doctor who I can put my total trust into. Someone who doesn't judge me for being bigger then most people. someone who is there and totally willing to help me find the old person oh scratch that not the old person the new and improved gypsy. It takes a lot of soul searching and you learn allot about yourself. I have friends now that won't hardly have anything to do with me because I had the surgery and am doing something good for myself. I'm sorry but if they can't support me and stand by my side and put there opinions aside then I don't need them in my life anymore. People come into your life for a reason and they leave for a reason...maybe there time is up and they served there purpose. I can't say it's not hurtful because it is. It hurts deep down inside but I have also realized that this isn't about them it's about ME!! I want to be a good mom and not have to stop and catch my breath and be totally exhausted when I am out doing stuff with them. I want to live old enough to see my kids get married, have babies and there babies have babies. And I want to be healthy and see all of this!! I want to be the wife that doesn't bitch because my joints hurt and cry because nothing fits me anymore. lol well it doesn't fit now because they are getting to big. I want to stand tall, stand proud and show off my curves and be comfortable in my own body. Now all of this isn't to much to ask is it? Some people might think so but I don't.
"You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be" ~ David Viscott
xoxo
Love,
Gypsy